These are the people I live for. Brooklyn's birth was our saving point. Each day with her is both an adventure, slightly torturous, but all in all amazing.
I was digging through our crap when I found our engagement pictures.
They bring back both good and bad memories. The day before
the engagement pictures I found out I was pregnant. I took about twenty different pregnancy tests. Each one came back positive. I yelled, screamed, and cried for Heavenly Father to let this not be true. I promised Him that I would change, I would start going to church again. I would be perfect. I couldn't take care of a baby now. If I could have one in a couple more years I could give a baby a better life. Unanswered prayers are sometimes the greatest blessings. In denial and refusing to admit the truth we went on like nothing was different. I began to plan the wedding, in the temple, and keep going as if everything was honky dory. Temple marriage was hammered into my head from day one. Who wouldn't want to be married in a white castle, for happily ever after? I didn't want to disappoint family, or let anyone down. So we put on fake smiles and kept on living. We talked about adoption. I had a family picked out, they seemed like a great couple. I was twenty. Twenty seems so young to be a pregnant, unwed mom. So we constantly looked for an escape route. We kept pushing the date of the wedding back, once, twice, three times. We both knew we couldn't go through the temple unworthily. It would be the biggest slap in the face to the Man Upstairs. I'm sure everyone knew I was pregnant, due to the fact that I lost a ton of weight and couldn't keep anything down. However, we didn't tell anyone until I was about five months pregnant. We knew we were both suppose to be together, and we promised each other we would go through the temple as soon as we both were READY. We ended up planning the wedding in a week. We did it at one of our Stake Centers here in Utah. My family and friends quickly got everything in order for a wedding. My sister designed announcements. My aunt brought all the props. My mom, did everything I could ask for. She's the one that kept me strong through it all. I NEVER wanted to walk done an isle. Not my dream. OH, and I was five months pregnant in a wedding dress. I couldn't wait for the night to be over. We never had a honeymoon, just a night in the Little America Hotel in Salt Lake. We wouldn't have even had that if it wasn't for Christians siblings. Four short months later, my baby girl finally joined us. It's a good thing that I can't change the past. It definitely molded me into the person I am today. A little less judgmental, a little more caring and understanding, and with a much stronger testimony of the Atonement. No one is perfect.
